Married to a Musician

Perseverance

2012-01-09T10:11:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow morning at Marvin and I will be speaking at Christian Tabernacle Church in Houston. The service starts at 5 am (that's not a typo). We have been asked to speak on perseverance.

Perseverance is a continued effort to do something despite difficulties, failure or opposition.

We are all too familiar with the subject. From early on in our marriage having to adjust to the call of God on our lives, to Marvin's recent health challenges and many other opportunities in between, to give up and throw in the towel. However, in light of what we go through, God has a way of making it all turn out for our good and blessing us beyond what we could ever imagined. But the key is don't give up.

One of my favorite scriptures in times of testing is, Psalm 27:13, "I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." It is very easy to give up when it seems like the answer, or the end won't come. We get tired of fighting and waiting. However, Galatians 6:9 says, "And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap if we faint not." That scripture kept me going when everything in me wanted to quit and run away.

Naturally speaking, I can exercise patience pretty well, but when I'm done with something, I'm ready to move on. But it's not that easy when you want to do it God's way. He will equip us to hold on, if we are willing.

What war is waging around you that screams, "wave the flag?" Are you weary? Does it seem like this trial will never come to an end? Take heart, because it will. I Peter 5:10 says, "After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you." THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It didn't come to stay, it came to pass. Learn every lesson, and gain all the wisdom while you're in it so you don't have to go through it again.

Perseverance has its reward. We just have to hang in there long enough to experience it and I can attest that God always makes the wait worthwhile.

Learn more about our story in my book, "Me, My Man and His Music" at www.kimmcquitty.com.

New Year - Same Expectation

2012-01-02T14:17:00.040-06:00

At the beginning of 2011, I felt in my spirit that it was going to be a great year for Marvin and I. The Lord even sent a gentleman in my church to confirm what I sensed. His words to me were, "Sister Kim, 2011 is going to be a 'great' year for you and Brother Marvin, but you must be patience and have expectation." I received those words for my life for 2011 and held them close to my heart.

The scripture says our ways are not God's ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. That became evident when everything around and concerning us was attacked and tested. I interpreted "great" to be the tangible and long-awaited blessings becoming manifested in my life.

All in all, 2011 was a "great" year, but not what I envisioned. It was a "great" year of faith, fighting, believing God, and taking Him at His Word. In my mind, it was one of the worst years we've had in many years because we battled so much. At times, I felt like I was only holding on by a thread. It wasn't the great year I envisioned, but a "great" year of fighting the good fight of faith, a "great" year of using worship as a weapon, a "great" year of spending time in His presence, a "great" year of renewing my mind in His Word, and a "great" year of leaning and depending on Him like never before.

My sights are set on 2012 being another "great" year, however with a different mindset. A "great" year of going deeper in the things of God. A "great" year of stepping out in ministry. A "great" year of seeking the face of God. And in the event God decides to flood my life with "great" things; the blessings, the finances, the tangible desires I have before Him, that will only add to this "great" year that He already predestined for me.

2012 will be my "greatest" year yet!

Book Review from a Musician's Wife

2011-12-19T09:33:00.000-06:00

Psalm 30

2011-11-12T16:20:00.002-06:00

My husband, Marvin just released his new single entitled, "Psalm 30", available on iTunes. I'm very proud of him. He's been working on his CD just as I have my book, off and on over the years.

He desires to release the CD in it's entirety in mid-December. I believe it will be a blessing to you as it has to me.

A Help Meet Just For You

2011-09-28T19:24:00.004-05:00

The other day, I met a musician/worship leader who's girlfriend of over three years left him. She told him she could not deal with the grueling and demanding schedule and lifestyle of a musician, and chucked him the deuces.

I can truthfully say that if Marvin did not come packaged as he did, I probably would not have married him, so I can somewhat understand.

When he started full-time music ministry over 16 years ago, it was an extremely difficult transition for me. It rocked my world, and plummeted me in to a state of depression. Yes, I loved the Lord and continued to serve Him, but couldn't deny the dark place and state of mind I was in.

He left a full-time, great paying job with benefits, to go on the road. I need security. I function better as a wife and mother with some sense of security. Most women do. Therefore living from gig to gig with the ebbs and flows of the music industry was not what I envisioned for my life, and certainly not what I was accustomed to. Our marriage was on life support for many years.

Marvin has a call on his life for what he does, however I fought it for several years making it hard for him. I only viewed Marvin as a drummer, not a ministrel. I never took into consideration what God wanted for our lives; only what felt good to me.

All in all, it takes time for a woman to get to that place of understanding and the level of support needed to be by the side of a musician.

To the musician's who are reading this, you do not want a wife who has not been called to be by your side. It's hard enough being in the will of God, anything outside of that is next to impossible. Please understand the hesitancy of women who say they are having a hard time with what you do. The grace of God has to be on their lives to marry a man who is married to his music. If I can speak for them, we need stability and security. Neither one of those come packaged with most musicians.

God will send you the wife He has tailor-made for you. She will love you, support you, honor you and put up with you :-).

Marriage is wonderful and there is a woman out there willing to be in harmony and do life with you. When she comes along, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt, because God would have done a work in her and she will be all that you need and more.

The Process

2011-09-14T17:38:00.000-05:00

Writing a book, to say the least, is hard work. I didn't realize how much until I was in the trenches with writing mine. I'm happy that it's done and is being printed as I'm writing this blog.

I marvel at how God sent the right people at the right time to guide me through the process. I love books and will never look at another one the same! If the ones I've read are anything like mine, they were written with a lot of blood, sweat and tears. In the end I believe it will be worth it all if I can encourage one musician and his wife, then another, then another, then another.

I anticipated the discipline needed to finish it; the seemingly never-ending editing process and having to read the manuscript so much I feel as if I know it by heart. What I did not factor in were the battles I've had to fight in my personal life and attacks on my family. It has been one thing after another. I can write a book on just that alone! Whew! However at every turn, there was victory. God is so faithful and my relationship with Him has soared during this process.

I've been praying that our story will touch lives. We weathered many storms together. We didn't see eye to eye on many points over the tenure of our marriage with this "music thing." We even questioned each other by asking, "Why did you stay?" But at the end of the day, our desire is to please God and do what He called us to do by sharing our testimony of His sustaining power, and how committing to His will created the life that we so fondly enjoy today.

Reserve your copy of "Me, My Man and His Music," today at www.kimmcquitty.com.

God bless,

Kim

Book release October, 2011

2011-08-12T18:51:00.002-05:00

Endorsement

"I have known Marvin McQuitty since the mid 1980's when I was producing albums for The Winans (that was before CD's). I was impressed then with Marvin's musicianship but even

more impressed by his love and commitment to our Lord Jesus. As time has passed Marvin has become a great musician and has grown even stronger spiritually. I am thankful that Kim has decided to write this book. I endorse it, and Kim and Marvin completely. They are people that you can trust and I trust that Kim's book will be a blessing in your life."

Bill Maxwell

Studio Musician, Record Producer, Television Music Director
Known for his musicianship with "Andrae' Crouch", television producer for "Martin" and record producer of "The Winans"

Say What You Want To See

2011-06-29T13:07:00.000-05:00

Your tongue is the pen of a ready writer. You are writing the script for your life with the words that you speak. If you don't like the script you've been living, change the words you've been saying.

Our words create worlds. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Life and death are in the power of the tongue..." You can create a situation with what you speak.

Jesus died for us to live an abundant life (John 10:10). If you aren't living in abundance, you can change that! Begin to say what you want to see. Put God in remembrance of His promises to you. He watches over His Word to perform it. Refuse to believe the Enemy's lies about your current circumstances. They are just that a circumstance; a condition or state of affairs that are subject to change.

Give your situation an earful of the Word of God. Before long, Mark 11:24 (NLT) will be manifested in your life, "I tell you, you can pray for anything and if you believe you received it will be yours.

Get busy and be relentless about your declarations, because something waiting to happen needs to be said!

"Me, My Man and His Music"...My Life As A Musician's Wife

2011-06-21T22:39:00.001-05:00

It's been a journey, but I'm done with my book. The Lord told me to write "the instruction manual" I wish I had for being a musician's wife. With the help of the Holy Spirit I have done just that.

I'll admit I was naive about the music industry when I married Marvin, and have learned a lot over the past 20 years. I made a lot of mistakes that could have cost me my marriage, aborted my destiny, and destroyed my family. However, by the grace of God, I'm still standing. I'm wiser, stronger and ready to impart into others what I've learned while being married to a musician. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it.

My friends Israel & Meleasa Houghton wrote the Foreword. They are the epitome of music and marriage being able to mix. If you have witnessed their interaction with each other, you can attest to what I'm saying.

My prayer is that "Me, My Man and His Music" will be a blessing to those who the Lord had in mind when He told me to write it.

The release date and ordering information will be available soon.

Take care of your temple

2011-05-10T22:40:00.001-05:00

“Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth," 3 John 1:2. In a nutshell, God wants us well, He gets no glory in us being broke and He longs to have a relationship with us as we spiritually mature in the things of Him.

All of God’s promises are conditional, which means participation on our part is required in order to receive the promise. Just as receiving a paycheck is equated to working a job, so is good health equated to what we eat, exercising, drinking plenty of water and taking vitamin supplements.

I’ve seen so many people in the body of Christ struggle with being overweight and/or lifestyle diseases, such as high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol. The saying, “You are what you eat” rings true. No one can eat what he or she wants, when they want, in the portions they want, without it having an adverse effect on their body over a period of time. No one. Being sick or carrying around excess body fat is not the abundant life that Jesus died for us to have.

What does this have to do with being married to a musician? I’m glad you asked!

Musicians exert themselves quite a bit when they are ministering. After they have been playing for hours at a time, their physical bodies are drained. It only compounds the issue when they are unhealthy or out of shape.

Marvin and I have learned over the years there are changes you will be forced to make as you age. He and I just can’t eat the same as we once did in our twenties. Our bodies have changed and we had to make the necessary adjustments if we are going to prosper and be in health.

You hear a lot of television ministries speaking on this subject and I believe, they too have discovered that significant adjustments are needed as you age and how God wants us well.

God has a plan and purpose for my life and I can’t travel and do what he has called me to do with a sick and broken down temple.

If you are healthy, guard it with you life. Yes, God is a healer, and He wants us well. Yes, He is a miracle worker and is able to heal and restore you. However, it is better to live on the offense by taking care of our temples, than on the defense by having to fight for our health because of willful neglect.

Of course this isn’t easy. I never said that. There is temptation on every hand at every turn. It takes a conscience effort to eat right, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, it can be done. Your body is His temple.

Start small. Lean into it. Ask God to change your appetite to crave the things that are beneficial to your body. Encourage your hubby about the benefits of healthy eat, if he isn’t already doing so. He’ll be amazed at how much energy he’ll have after ministering and giving so much of himself. His body will thank him as he walks in the promise to be in health…even as his soul prospers.

Musicians can help us connect to God!

2011-05-02T12:14:00.004-05:00

Recently, I went through a trial that took me totally off guard. I didn't see it coming and it was a stressful time.

I remember riding home one day in my car, while in the midst of this fight, and I heard the song by Wess Morgan, "I Choose to Worship” on the radio. The lyrics challenged me to use the weapon of worship to fight this unexpected battle. Instead of my prayer time consisting of praying about the situation I was in, I chose to worship. I didn't ask God for anything, I didn't tell Him how I felt, I didn't ask Him why, I didn't pray for myself or the parties involved. I just worshipped and as a result, my prayer time was revolutionized.

The Holy Spirit ministers to me through the lyrics of songs. While in this recent battle, I kept hearing these songs over and over..."Nobody Greater" by VaShawn Mitchell, and "I Believe" by James Fortune. Those songs ministered to me immensely. I would hear them in my spirit all day. On several occasions when I got in my car either song was just coming on the radio. This went on for weeks. Day and night the lyrics and music in those songs ministered and confirmed to me what the Lord was doing and going to do.

Here's my point. Music is it's own language. It has the innate ability to change an atmosphere in seconds. Music is powerful and on the other side of that music is a musician. There is no music without a musician. Imagine a praise and worship experience at your church without any music. It would not be as effective.

Now consider this, our husband's are the vessel that helps the Body of Christ connect to God. He teams up with others to usher in the presence of the King of Kings. He's not just a musician; he's a part of the Levitical priesthood.

When we view our husbands as minsters and not just a musician, it gives a greater understanding of his call. It was music that helped me through that rough time. It was music that helped me understand that God is in control. It was music that soothed my aching emotions. It was a minstrel playing an instrument that translated in to a song that helped me through a trial, which came to derail, distract and destroy me.

Over the years I have been able to embrace my husband's call as a Kingdom assignment, not just a man who loves playing an instrument. It's all about perspective. Changing my view of things has allowed me to support and pray for him as he plays a pivotal part in the Kingdom by setting the tone in our worship services to usher in the presence of the Lord.

I thank God for the gift of musicianship He has placed in our husbands. Life is not the same without it.

The book is near completion!

2011-01-07T19:39:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

I pray this year will be the best ever.

I'm taking a break from blogging to focus on completing my book. This blog has only given you a glimpse
into my life as a musician's wife, but the book will take you on my journey over the past twenty years. It's a testament of God's faithfulness and sustaining power. He has commissioned me to tell my story, and I am doing it for His Glory.

If you would like to be notified when it has been released, please email me.

Kim

Other People's Money

2010-12-05T16:01:00.000-06:00

Right now, my husband is in Panama playing for an artist. This opportunity has afforded him to see his half sister. He has a half brother there as well, whom he has never met. I was just informed via FB that Marvin met his younger brother Michael, for the first time. Amazing.

Over the years, this has been one of the many benefits of traveling. Seeing the world on other people's money (the promoter). He has visisted many places which he other wise would not have if it weren't for the music industry.

This reunion is most definitely one of the many highlights of doing what your're called to do and being in the will of God.

Prayer and No Debt

2010-11-08T16:33:00.005-06:00

The other day my youngest daughter and I were riding in the car. I try to take those moments to impart words of wisdom to her when we are together. She’s 15 and time is short on how much longer she’ll be with me. Without any premeditation, I told my daughter this. "If you only leave home with two things, learn the importance of having a prayer life. Be able to pray through for yourself. Have a relationship with Jesus. Spend time in His presence." The other take away I want my girls to have is to stay out of debt. Learn the benefits of delayed gratitude. This is something society is oblivious to today.

These are not the only two take things I want my girls to leave with, but they rank at the top of the list. Prayer changes things, people and circumstances. Maintaining an open line of communication with the Father will enable them to receive wisdom in situations where they need guidance. Refusing to become a slave to the lender will enable them always be givers which is the ultimate key to living.

Those are two qualities (among many others) I practice as a musician’s wife. I pray about everything. The music industry is ever evolving and I need to be sensitive to the voice of the Lord and where he is taking Marvin and I.

I am a money conscience person by nature and the industry keeps me on my toes. Although we have ministry jobs with a stable income, Marvin still travels and gets paid per performance. Not being in thousands of dollars in debt helps me sleep at night. It frees us to sow as the Lord leads. We haven’t spent tomorrow’s prosperity today on credit cards. Credit isn’t a bad thing. Only when it is mismanaged and misused does it become a burden.

I believe my girls will be fine when they leave home. Prayer is powerful, and financial freedom is too. I’m grateful to impart these things in their lives now instead of later.

Friends...we all need them!

2010-11-01T18:09:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, my pastor delivered an incredible message on friendship. "Bring a Friend Day" at our church created standing room only in our third service. A message on friendship isn't something that you'd run the aisle after hearing; our pastor made mention of that himself. However, the message was so profound I am empowered to nurture the relationships in my life as never before.

My number one take away from his sermon was the story he told about Sodom and Gomorrah. Because of their sins, God decided he was going to destroy everything in the city. He shared his intentions with his Abraham. Never recorded in any other portion of scripture did God consult with anyone before He created or destroyed anything. He's God. He didn't need to. However, his friendship with Abraham was so intimate that he confided in him. Even God has friends. Abraham began to barter with God about not destroying the city if he found so many righteous people. I never heard the story from that perspective.

I have a great circle of friends. Some have been in my life for over 20 years. I befriended several of them after moving to Texas five years ago, others I've met in the past year or so. They are all special and dear to me individually. However, my closest friends are wives of musicians. I didn't plan it that way it just happened. Friendships are formed not forced. Our lives parallel in many ways, and our husbands are friends with each other as well.

It's great to have friends in your life that understand you and your lifestyle. I have been able to share things with them that I have not been able to share with others. They get it. They understand. They can identify.

You may not have that special someone in your life that you call friend. The Bible says in Proverbs 18:24, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly; and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." My definition of a friend is someone you can call at 4 am, with no questions asked. I read a quote years ago that said, "You should only be friends with people that are going to cry at your funeral." The more I thought about that statement the more sense it made. Befriend those who genuinely care about you and your family. Ask God to help you make those connections. You need someone to share your trials and triumphs...someone to talk to.

I love the friends I'm doing life with. Friends are so important and we all need them.

The Musician's Help Meet

2010-10-15T12:35:00.007-05:00

Beginning in 2011, I will be traveling to conduct seminars/workshops for musician's wives. My mission will be to equip, encourage, support and connect wives and fiancés from around the global.

I'd like to hear from you! What are some topics or discussion items of interest to you? Email me at kim_mcquitty@yahoo.com.

Writing Session

2010-09-18T18:35:00.002-05:00

Today, I'm having a great writing session. I'm working on my book about my life as a musician's wife and took a break to blog. It's amazing how I've been able to clearly see the handiwork of God orchestrating the details of my life. I've been reminded several times today as I penned excerpts in different chapters of God's sufficient grace and provision.

One point in particular is my girls. I was pregnant with my baby girl, who is now 15 when Marvin began full-time ministry and my oldest is 17. I recall how difficult it was when they were small with him being away from home so much. It took me years to find my rhythm. My continual thought process was, "I did not sign up for this," but in actuality, I did when I told God I wanted His will. Everything I endured wasn't His will, however, He found a way to make it all turn out for my ultimate good.

Marvin is currently playing in Spain. While I miss him, I know he's doing what he loves and was created to do; be a minstrel in the Kingdom of God. I've come a long way by being able to say that.

Now, back to my writing session. I believing this book that God laid on my heart to write will be a blessing to many.

The Waiting Room

2010-09-08T19:35:00.004-05:00

Recently, I had the privilege of teaching on a subject that I don't think anyone enjoys doing...waiting. The Bible admonishes us to "wait on God" in several passages in scripture.

During my time of study, I could not help but think about my life as a musician's wife and how waiting comes with the territory. Waiting on his flight to land, waiting for the promoter to confirm the gig, waiting for Marvin to cut that last drum track so I can get some sleep, waiting for the check that is "in the mail."

However, in the grand scheme of things, waiting has its rewards. Had I not waited on God to bring His promises to pass in my life, I would be living a sub par lifestyle that is beneath the standard of what He had in store for me. I know that for certain!

Many times I wanted to walk away from it all, but the latter portion of
Galatians 6:9 which says, "in due season, you shall reap if you faint not", would strengthen me to remain. After experiencing those words leaping off the page at me on several occasions, I would collect my thoughts, dry my tears, and get back on the saddle.

Looking back, I know how God's grace is sufficient. While in a tough season of transition, I clearly recall saying, "God, I give up. I don't know what giving up means right now, but I give up." He then spoke to me and said, "Kim, if you give up now, everything you have gone through will be in vain." I took a mental examination of what I had been through, and at that moment I decided I wasn't going out like that.

If you're in God's waiting room right now, stay there. Don't get ahead of Him. Don't try to work things out on your own. Don't listen to everything everyone has to say about your situation. Just wait. Quietly, prayerfully, patiently, with faith and in expectation. Because suddenly, and not a minute late, He will turn the tide for you. God's timing is perfect and I promise you it will be worth the wait.

I know, I waited and I'm living in my Promise Land with more on the way.

Seed to the Sower

2010-08-02T10:37:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, Marvin return from a gig where he played in Mexico. Most of his international dates he's compensated in cash. I picked him up that morning and we headed straight to church. Our pastor's message was electrifying as he taught on "Be Anxious for Nothing."

About half way through the service, a lady got up from her seat and placed an offering on the altar. Shortly thereafter, a man followed. It started off as a trickle; a sower here, and a sower there. Before long, droves of people began to sow in that moment.

I usually don't carry cash, but desperately wanted to get in on the sowing. Knowing that Marvin had some on him, I got his attention and made a hand motion to give me some money. He gave me $100 and I in turn placed our seed on the altar, too.

Three days later, Marvin received a call to cut drums for an entire album. The money he'll be paid is several hundred times more that what we planted. Looking back, I see that God gave us seed to sow from the date he had in Mexico.

That has been our lives in this industry. We sow, we reap. Even when it has been our last, we've given in anticipation and expectation. The music industry is too fickle to not prove God on a regular basis with our finances. God can't get anything to you with a closed hand. He challenges us to give and it shall be given...

I've often said that had it not been for the grace of God, we'd be driving a hooptie and living in the ghetto. In addition to hard work and integrity, we have given ourselves into the lifestyle that we enjoy.

My pastor once said you can't out give God, no matter how hard you try. He's right but it sure has been a blessing trying.

Industry blessings

2010-07-26T11:03:00.002-05:00

Marvin and I are determined to live a debt free life. We pay for everything in cash and save up for the things we want to purchase. Trust me, this hasn't always been our mode of operation, but we've learned that if we wanted different results, we had to take different actions.

We own three paid for cars. They are older vehicles with high miles, but they are ours. At any given time, something can break down on either one of them. The other day, that's just what happened. The air conditioning went out in one car, and two days later another car. Texas is hot and not having AC is a precursor to what hell will feel like.

During that time frame, Marvin had two engagements. To get both cars up and running cost us over $2,500. The timing of the cars breaking down happened at the exact time when we had that amount of cash come in from his dates. My initial response was to bellyache about these expenses, but I opted to thank God for the provision and the ability to pay for them. I also reminded myself that we don't have car notes, so an expense here and there is still a blessing than having car notes on three vehicles.

We've experience many blessings like that over the years. God's timing is perfect! He knows what's up the road and makes provision for His children. We just have to trust Him which is what this faith walk of Christianity is all about.

If you are where you're supposed to be and doing what God called you to do, He will take care of you, period. No matter what it looks like. He's got your back. The way has already been made for what you're facing or going to face. Your Heavenly Father wants nothing short of the best for you and your family. There are many blessings of being called to the music industry and if we look around, they won't be hard to identify.

God will take care of you.

One In A Million

2010-07-19T14:51:00.003-05:00

Our Women's Life Development Class just completed Priscilla Shirer's Bible Study entitled, "One In A Million." This study encourages participants to fully engage in the abundant life God has waiting for those who will allow Him to take the lead in daily living. It's an opportunity to experience deliverance from strongholds, to conquer your wilderness living, and to claim your God-given inheritance. I can say I have a new perspective of the wilderness, being that its main objective is to achieve intimacy with God.

I have walked through many wilderness experiences as a musician's wife. Oh...but how I've grown closer to the Lord and have seen His handiwork in my life. I wanted the easiest and least challenging route, but God took me down the path that fostered a deeper relationship with Him. When we say we want to know Him more, we'd better buckle down and prepare for a journey.

I'm a wiser woman because of the wilderness. I'm a stronger woman because of the wilderness. I know how to be the wife my husband needs because of the wilderness. In fact, the way of the wilderness was required for me and what God has called me to. I didn't embrace those times of suffering as an opportunity to grow, I just wanted it to be over with already. However, when I surrendered to the process, Romans 8:18 became clear, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed in us." My life today is a complete replica of God's glory and grace.

I still have some uncharted territory ahead of me, but having experienced God's faithfulness through past seasons, I echo the church mothers that say, "I won't take nothin' for my journey."

Don't burn your bridges

2010-07-08T07:18:00.009-05:00

For the past couple of years, Marvin has been invited back to a church where we were once members to play for their annual worship conference. He served there as the drummer for many years before we relocated to Texas.

A few months before we moved, an incident occurred with me that left a bitter taste in my mouth. This church is a place where the Holy Spirit hovers, the bishop and his wife have a heart for worship, the Spirit of the Lord has free course in the services, and the congregation is thriving. However, my respect for leadership had been tainted.

I'm an analyzer, a thinker, and a planner. Not one to do many things by the seat of my pants. I can literally think myself out of something because it needs to be a certain way. In other words, I proceed with great caution.

A few years prior, God revealed to me my call to women’s ministry. It took me several years to act on what I knew God was telling me; all the while, uncertain of the specifics. Finally, in an effort to step out and obey God , I invited several ladies to a seminar. I rented meeting space at an area hotel and asked my friends and friends of friends to come and be a part. I purposely didn't invite anyone from the church because I didn’t want to bring division to the women’s ministry that we currently had. I was trying to do what I believe God called me to do which was minister to women and the unchurched in the community.

In effort to honor leadership, I mailed the bishop a letter. In it, I shared what was on my heart, where I believe God was leading me, and asked if he and his wife would pray for me and my endeavors. I also shared with him that this is something in the community and no flyers were distributed in our church. In fact I didn’t invite anyone from the congregation on purpose. Again, aiming to be respectful and mindful.

I approached him one Sunday after service and asked him had he received my letter. He said he did and went on the say, it was a “bad letter.” I said “bad as in good…that I know how to write letters?” He said, “no, bad as in bad.” He then instructed me to read a particular passage of scripture in Acts, and call him in the morning. After calling and speaking with him the next day, he told me to cancel everything. His reason, he hadn't released me to do that. He also said I was acting in a pastoral role when I invited speakers, and wasn’t qualified to do that either. He went on to say that anything outside of the local church is an Ishmael. Lastly, if I didn't do as he said, the same thing would happen to me that happened to King Uzziah; he told me to go read the story. By the end of the conversation, I was devastated!

He offered to sit down with me and share how he'd like for me to proceed, but until then, everything had to be cancelled. Every step I made to keep from something like this happening seemed to backfire. With a broken heart and a wounded spirit, I called the speakers and cancelled the events.

I never scheduled another seminar because I wanted to be obedient by meeting with him first. I made several attempts to connect with him so that I could move forward with what I believe God was leading me to do. An untold amount of phone calls went unreturned. Days turned into weeks, weeks, into months, and months into the following year. The meeting never happened. I knew God called me, and perhaps I was presumptuous in my timing, however, my leader never took the time to counsel and direct me.

Attending church there became harder each time I went. I lost respect for him and really needed God to help me. Not long after that incident, God moved us to Texas, and now I have more opportunities for women's ministry than I can handle at times.

Had I been a finger-snapping, loud-mouth wife that call myself telling him off and what I thought about how he handled the situation, it's possible that Marvin wouldn't be on that plane right now, and the invitation could have been extended to another drummer. But, I chose to forgive and move on. God knew my heart and my call. I did what I needed to do to preserve the relationship and left the rest up to God.

I’ve experienced in years past, that people are reluctant to work with men that have messy and mouthy wives. Actually, I have a friend that was told by the leader of the group that wives aren’t invited on the road with them. He said the wives kept up so much ruckus in times past, he felt it were best if they just stayed home. I don’t condone that at all. Wives need to be with their husbands as much as they are able. Needless to say, that leader is divorced today.

Sometimes getting the last word in edge-wise is not worth losing the relationship. Pick your battles wisely, and don't burn your bridges. You may need to walk across them again one day.

Father's Day

2010-06-17T20:02:00.004-05:00

This Sunday is Father's Day. As the girls and I prepare to celebrate Marvin, I'm reminded of one year when he was out of town. The girls were 4 and 6 years old. The group he played with at that time were ministering in Chicago, a four-hour drive from Detroit. I informed most of the wives whose husbands were in the group that I was planning a trip to surprise Marvin for Father's Day. I invited them to join me, but only one took me up on the offer.

I asked some friends of ours that lived in Chicago if they would call Marvin to find out where he was staying. Armed with his hotel information, Father's Day gifts which included a homemade cake; anybody who knows Marvin personally, knows how much he loves cake...we packed the van and headed west.

We arrived a couple of hours ahead of them. We had breakfast and hung out in the hotel lobby awaiting their arrival. When we saw the tour bus pull up and the guys walk into the hotel, we sent the kids out first to surprise them. My girls and the other little guy ran into the arms of their fathers. The expressions on their faces were priceless. They were overjoyed that we came to spend the day with them.

However, the looks on the faces of the other musician's whose wives decided not to make the journey, was priceless as well. Mostly with shock and also disappointment because it wasn't their kids hiding behind a plant waiting to jump out, and their wives coming behind them with gifts and a cake.

Grant it, I was just getting on board in supporting Marvin being in full-time ministry. If he had a doubt that I hadn't turned the corner with my attitude, that trip confirmed otherwise.

I continued to make many more journeys out to surprise and support Marvin while he was on tour in the years following. You've read in previous blogs how much I loathe tours, I just do. However, I was willing to lay aside my personal feelings and do what was best for our relationship.

When I said "I do" in front of the minister over 22 years on our wedding day, I didn't realize then how many things I really don't. I've learned marriage is a give and take. Whatever he has to give, or whatever I have to give is just that to make it work.

I'm grateful for many things this Father's Day. The number one thing is that 11 years later, we are still celebrating Marvin as a family under the same roof because we did not allow the industry to destroy our marriage or the future of our daughters.

I can truthfully say, it has been a very very difficult fight, but one that has been worth it.

Happy Father's Day to all of the dads who read this.

It's what the job pays!

2010-06-01T08:13:00.006-05:00

It's reasonable to desire to be paid based on the perception of our worth. But what has helped Marvin and I in the past, is the understanding that when he is asked to play, and is then compensated for services rendered, that is what the gig paid. Period. Complaining about it wouldn't increase it. Believing he's skilled enough to receive more wouldn't cut it either. It's what the job pays. If he wanted more, he'd have to gig more, or for someone else. The Bible says your understanding will keep you, and that revelation has been our saving grace for many years.

The frustration with many musicians is the amount of money they are given, mainly with churches. The church can afford what it can, and the musician cannot afford to pass it up. Thus begins the cycle of feeling undervalued, unappreciated and equating their worth to a paycheck. Some would say, "you're doing Kingdom work, so whatever we're able to give you should suffice." Others would say, "we'd love to give you more, however, we can't right now." At the end of the day, it's what the job pays. You can stay and receive what they pay, or you can leave. There really isn't an in between.

Most musicians have to supplement their income because one stream isn't enough to provide for their needs. Just because we're loyal to an organization, church or group doesn't mean that has to be the sole means of our support. In actuality, God is our source and all of the funnels through which we are paid are a resource. In today's economy, everyone needs multiple streams. Trust me when I say, I completely understand if your main stream has a problem with you seeking other streams. You, my friend, will have to get creative and while doing so, ask God to guide you with His infinite wisdom.

Never complain about what you permit. Graciously, and with a heart of thanksgiving, receive what God has blessed you to be paid. Only when we are faithful over the little things, will He make us ruler over much.

A Change of Heart

2010-05-22T17:35:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, I accompanied Marvin to a drum clinic at a church. Afterwards, the minister of music took us out for a bite to eat. My experience has been in most conversations with musicians, they talk about who they've played for and who they are currently with.

During the conversation, the minister told us about a bad experience he and his wife had with a church in a particular state. Years later, he was invited to return to that state to be on staff at a different church. His wife lumped the previous experience into hatred for the entire state. Because of that, he decided not to accept the offer. He said he was not going to relocate his family with his wife kicking and screaming; her feelings meant more to him. I let him know that was very admirable of him because I know some musicians that did not take their wives' feelings into consideration, and made decisions that affected her and the family and she was miserable the entire time.

He went on to tell us that before he could turn the offer down, his wife had a change of heart. She told him to take the position and that she's on board, and supports him. He is still on staff at that church today and they are both very happy and pleased he accepted the offer.

When God calls a man, he calls his family! The same thing happened with Marvin and I. When the call came to relocate to Houston, I was not in favor. It was only a few days later that God changed my heart. There was a tug in my spirit that if we didn't take this offer, we would miss a window of opportunity. I didn't see it then, however I decided to trust God and am so glad I did. He NEVER disappoints!

If you're in a forced situation right now and your husband is somewhere you really don't believe in your heart he should be, ask the Lord to give him a change of heart. Pray that God's perfect will be done in your situation. Pray that God's desires for your family becomes your husband's desires for your family. Ask the Lord to allow the hearts of the people he should be connected to be turned toward him. That's a prayer Marvin prays all the time, and we see God move in unbelievable ways.

The Bible says in Proverbs 10:22, "The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich and he added no sorrow with it." That's not to say you won't experience challenges of any kind. It simply means that at the end of the day you have peace that you are where God wants you to be no matter what. And you want to be where the blessings and favor of God are.

If God is changing your heart, allow Him. He's a gentleman and won't force you into anything. But if you yield to the tug, blessings will be unleashed in ways you haven't imagined.

Motherhood

2010-05-04T21:43:00.009-05:00

My girls were babies when Marvin began to travel. It's all they know as far as his profession is concerned. His longest time away from home was 5 months. The girls were in elementary school and I worked a full-time job. It was hard!!! As challenging as it was, I still did everything I could to create memories with them.

We did Girl Scouts, dance lessons, trips to the park, play dates with friends, etc. I tried not to deprive them of their childhood because I was parenting alone in that season.

We went to church regularly,(a 30 minute drive one way). It was easy to stay home, but I pressed my way. I could have made the excuse that I needed Marvin at home to help me, but I didn't. I prayed for strength, pack up my girls and off we went.

That stint of Marvin's absence took such an emotional and physical toll on me during that time, I took a Mother's Day vacation alone. I sent the girls to a babysitter and drove to Niagara Falls for the weekend for a time of refreshing and relaxation. At the time we still lived in Michigan.

As wives and mothers the hardest thing for us to do is take time for ourselves. For many years I didn't have a lot of time to myself. Parenting alone consumed any free time. To this day, single parents have a special place in my heart.

I don't regret any of the sacrifices I made. I always looked at them as investments. It was a season, and I had a small window to sow as much into them as I could. One thing I would have done differently was to make more time for myself.

Now, my kids are teenagers and can drive themselves whenever they want to go. My oldest daughter is going to college in the fall. My how time flies!!! I've been blessed with two girls that love the Lord and have a reverential fear of Him. They are very respectful, loving and have a sweet spirit. I'm honored that God has allowed me to be their mother.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, do not despise the season you're in. Your children are small for a period of time, but will be adults for the rest of their lives. Embrace this time with them, before you know it, they will be grown and gone.

PPP

2010-04-18T20:58:00.007-05:00

PPP is my abbreviation for paid per performance, i.e., gig to gig, or paid per purchase in the form of royalty checks which are a dispersed a few times a year. Those are two major means of financial support in the music industry. Unless you are on a consistent gig right now, or have writer’s credit on a hit song, or several songs for that matter, the gap in between performances and royalty checks can be stressful and financially nerve racking.

So, are you supposed to be on PPP in this season of your life? Don’t answer that just yet.

Marvin worked a secular job for many many years before entering full-time ministry. Usually, with a full-time job are a plethora of benefits, medical insurance and the ability to retire with dignity. So why give up all that for the fickleness of the music industry, the uncertainty of enough gigs to buy groceries, let alone pay a mortgage payment and a car note? One word…"called.”

It’s very hard to make it in this industry, first if you aren’t exceptionally gifted on your instrument and secondly if you aren’t called. Being in full-time ministry means you work for God. He is the one that called you. He is the one that opens door after door. He is obligated to provide for you. God didn’t call everyone to full-time ministry. However, if He did, there is a set time for you to step out. Timing is a critical component and something you don’t want to get ahead of God in.

“But I’m gifted." Everyone has gifts of some kind. They were given to us by our Creator and are called just that…a gift. He doesn’t want them back, you don’t owe Him for it. It’s been given to you to enjoy and in many cases enjoyed by others. But should that gift be the sole provision for your family? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s something you must seek God concerning and know beyond the shadow of a doubt if it’s for you. Not knowing for certain will bring many unnecessary storms, and in the words of my pastor, if God didn’t send you to the storm, He’s not obligated to take you through it.

On the flip side, if you’ve been struggling with the decision of going into full-time music ministry and you know that God has been calling you for quite some time, it’s time to get out of the boat. Every day you don’t, is another day of walking in disobedience. Your breakthrough is connected to your obedience. You can trust God, He won’t let you sink. Provision will come in between performances in ways you can’t imagine because you answered the call.

In the beginning it was very hard for us to make ends meet. But that kept us leaning and depending on God. And He ALWAYS made a way. The day came when we were able to cross over from "not enough" to "more than enough." It’s inevitable when you’re walking in obedience.

Your gift will make room for you. You don’t have to go looking for gigs, or opportunities to minister. They will find you. The way has already been made for you in whatever He’s called you to do. Full or part time is another story.

Many years ago under the tutelage of my late pastor, he would often say, “some are called, some are sent, some just packed up and went.” You truly don’t want to go if God isn’t sending you. Challenges will come. Uncertainties will arise. But when you know, that you know, that you know, you’re doing what He called to do, victory is assured every time.

It was for my good, and for His glory!

2010-04-05T06:54:00.001-05:00

The word "good" can be used in a diversity of contexts:

Good - healthy and beneficial - (fresh fruit is good for you)
Good - free from pain or distress (to feel good)
Good - close or intimate (a good friend of mine)
Good - sufficient or ample (a good supply)

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." However, we shouldn't stop there because verse 29 is tied into it which reads, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son..."

Predesigned or determined beforehand; that's what God does with our lives before we were conceived in our mother's womb. He then orchestras our lives accordingly, causing all things to work together for our good (benefit). It's up to us to find out what that purpose is and get in sync with Him concerning it. The promise of that scripture is only to those that love God and the Bible says, “if you love me, keep my commandments.” In order to be conformed into the image of His Son, suffering is evident.

I didn't realize until my mid-30’s, how the road the Lord was leading me down was specifically tied to His predetermined will for my life. My call is to women's ministry, but specifically musician's wives. Looking back, the seasons of pruning, shaping and buffing, make sense to me now and was for my good. It didn't always feel good (free from pain or distress), but it was good (beneficial) for me. Romans 8:28 doesn’t say for "our comfort," but for "our good.” Our comfort comes from trusting God.

I must pause here to interject this thought. Being married to a musician has not been bad. Far from it. It is nontraditional, unpredictable, self sacrificing and a tremendous amount of patience is vital; but definitely not all bad. Most of my good (close or intimate) friends are people I have met in this industry. Also, many good (an ample supply) things have happened for me and it’s only because of my connections, again in this industry. A special moment for me is watching my husband usher in the presence of the Lord with the other minstrels during a worship experience. That’s a priceless observation. There are many many others, but that’s one that I take really take delight in.

So chew on this. God is good. Life is good and all things are working together your our good.

Whomever this specific post is for, know that your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. What you are experiencing right now may not be tied to the music industry at all. Actually, that facet of your life is on point and things are going very well. But there is something else looming. It’s uncomfortable and uncertain, but not impossible. However, at the appointed time, God is going to reveal to you why you had to come this way, and it’s all going to work out for your good. The pain is a part of the plan that is preparing you for your purpose. Keep trusting. Don’t give up. The end is near. Know that whatever is happening will only serve the purpose God has for you and enlarge your capacity to minister. At the end of day, it’s not about us. It’s about Him.

It’s for our good, but for His glory.

What happens after the music stops?

2010-03-29T19:24:00.007-05:00

Sign up today to follow this blog by Kim Hammond. You will be blessed. I surely was. www.whathappensafterthemusicstops.blogspot.com.

Drummers for Jesus 2010

2010-03-27T21:35:00.006-05:00

Drummers for Jesus was phenomenal! It was an incredible worship experience as internationally renown drummers, Marvin McQuitty, Teddy Campbell, Gerald Heyward, Gorden Campbell, and Aaron Spears known as The Rhythm Alliance rocked the house. The sixth member, Nissan Stewart was unable to attend. There were other talented drummers that were a apart as well.

Conference attendees did not leave disappointed. Last night we got a sneak peak at a movement that will take the music industry by storm. They will be touring the country and coming to a city near you. You don't want to miss it!

"Lord, there must have been some misunderstanding..."

2010-03-12T17:17:00.007-06:00

In 2002, Marvin had been on the road for several years. Although it was something I accepted as the "new normal" I was ready for a change.

During my prayer time one day, I asked the Lord to please make a way for him to come off the road. I began to explain to God how me and the girls needed him at home. We wanted him home more. I may have complained a little here and there in the prayer, but basically explained to God how I felt...as if He didn't already know. I then proceeded to tell God how patient I had been for several years, and that I'm believing for a different door to open.

After I was done praying and venting, the Lord spoke to me and said, "For the next year, every time Marvin comes home, have a card, and/or some expression of love for him." My response was, "Lord, there must have been some misunderstanding. I asked you to take him off the road." Not only did I know God spoke to me that day, I knew Marvin would be travelling for at least another year.

Desiring to be obedient, for the next year, every time Marvin came home there was a love note, card, his favorite candy, or love token, to know I'd been thinking about him while he was away. Also, how I was glad that he was out providing for the girls and I, and how happy I was to have him home. There were times I literally stopped at the store on the way to pick him up from the airport, and while he was unloading the car, I ran in the house to place my love token on the pillow.

I can't explain what that did in me and for our marriage. The act of obedience alone opened the door to many blessings, and the love between he and I was ignited.

What I walked away from that experience with was that God is more interested in changing me, than He is my circumstances. God wasn't going to release Marvin until His perfect will was accomplished in him and me. Approximately 18 months later, the Lord audibly spoke to Marvin and told him his days with the group he was playing with was over. That next door opened in God's timing, not mine.

As the songwriter penned these words..."You can't hurry God, you just have to wait..."

"Yes sir, Yes ma'am"

2010-03-01T13:18:00.006-06:00

I grew up in Michigan. My parents taught my siblings and I to be respectful to our elders and those in authority. However, my mom forbade us to address her or my dad as "yes ma’am or yes sir". I don’t recall her reason, but it’s not how we answered them. We certainly didn't say "huh or what" either.

Five years ago, we relocated to Texas. "Yes sir and yes ma’am" is the custom of respect when answering adults and those in authority. Parents, grandparents and even teachers will correct a child if they don’t say "sir or ma’am". This was light-years away from the way I was raised. With it being the custom and environment here in Texas, I have learned to adapt myself to it. It’s such a part of me, I said “yes sir” to a teenage boy today at Walgreens before I realized it. LOL. I don’t have to think about it. It’s ingrained in me. However, it was very awkward at first.

So what does all of this have to do with being a musician’s wife? The Bible tells us in I Peter 1:3 (Amplified) “In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them]…”

The portion of that scripture I want to expound on is “adapt yourselves to them”. I‘ve heard Joyce Meyer say, “I don’t like that scripture anymore than you do.” What honesty! I love Joyce.

Adapt means to adjust one’s self to different conditions or environments. When we adapt ourselves to our husbands, we do it as unto the Lord. In reality it’s not something we can do in our own strength. We need the Lord to help us.

I don’t share the same affinity for music as my husband. There is music going on in my house quite often. It isn't loud and overbearing, but it can be heard. I like to use praise and worship music as a backdrop during my prayer time, other than that I can take it or leave it. Give me a good book or a great sermon series and I’m in my world.

My girls love music as well. My youngest daughter is a cellist. Actually, the majority of my extended family is musically inclined in some capacity on just about every instrument and some of them are renowned artists in the Gospel and R&B industry.

I would be doing myself an injustice if I did not adapt to the music environment in my home. I could walk around with an attitude, command peace and quiet, all the while, stifling his creative juices. Marvin listens to all genres for different reasons than the typical music lover. The creative being he is gleans from different sounds which is honing his ear to be able to master his craft.

It’s not all about me and what I want. Neither is it all about Marvin and what he wants. The Bible has specific commands for him as well. Marriage is a give and take and it always will be.

I’ve learned to dwell with him according to knowledge and promote an atmosphere of peace in my home by adapting myself to my man and his music. It’s who he is and regardless of my personal feelings it won’t change how he’s wired.

Inspiration…but we need to sleep!

2010-02-18T23:06:00.003-06:00

Marvin is in the process of working on his album. We have a recording studio in our home so he can record as the inspiration hits him. Only thing, it hits him sometimes at night when the girls and I are trying to sleep. In my eyes, nighttime is for sleeping, however for some musicians and producers, it’s their most creative hour. Some of the greatest hits were written while the world was sleeping.

Musicians have no concept of time, so as the melodies and inspiration come, they are up writing and recording. It's 11 pm and I hear music in the air! This would be all fine and dandy if we still had a basement. We live in Texas now so there is no such luck.

So what solution have we come to? We haven’t. And it’s perfectly fine to agree to disagree until we find a happy medium, if there is any such thing in the world of music.

I know it's only for a season and it isn't every night. Actually for him to be able to do anything pertaining to music is a miracle within itself. In 2008 he was in the fight of his life (I'll share his testimony in my book) and playing the drums or working in the studio was not an option.

So, what I hear now is not just Marvin's inspiration, but proof that Jesus still heals.

I can complain or be grateful. I choose the latter because complaining about the negative things causes me to loose sight of all of the wonderful things God has done for us.

Marriage before ministry -- For you musicians

2010-02-12T19:10:00.003-06:00

Right now, I absolutely love what I’m doing (vocationally and in ministry). Actually, I don’t look at my place of employment as a job, but rather an opportunity to serve. I’m on staff at my church. Not only that, I serve on the Women’s Ministry board and am the Director of our Women’s Life Development Class. Albeit, I absolutely love every aspect of what I’m doing. However, I am a wife, first, and my ministry is to my family, first. Period!

God is a God of order and anything outside of His design will not function properly, especially in marriage. God first, family second, ministry third. It’s so easy to get engulfed in the things we love and emotionally starve those around us. We must serve our families first, not hand them our leftovers. No gig, live recording, tour, stage play, etc, is worth losing your family. Be and do all you can with Kingdom excellence, but not at the expense of your marriage.

Being a musician’s wife is not easy. Marriage within itself is work, but well worth it I might add. Everybody’s situation has its own set of challenges. Many women wallow in the sea of regret and wish they never married a musician. Some have expressed they feel like your music is a mistress because you’re spending more time with it than her. I’ve heard it said and have witnessed many divorces. That’s because there is an imbalance. She wants to be cherished and to know that she is the queen of your heart. Not second field to your instrument or to the band.

Many of you reading this are in different facades of ministry right now. Some are travelling, some are just playing locally.

If you’re playing and rehearsing locally take her out for dessert afterwards one night. Forego the jam session after rehearsal (yes, I know all about those) and go get your girl.

If you’re travelling, surprise her by flying her out. If you can’t currently budget that, send her a postcard from the road. Just to know you’re thinking about her means a lot.

Marvin includes me in every aspect of his music, dates, endeavors, etc. If I don’t know about something he has coming up, it’s simply because he has forgotten to tell me. I don’t feel like second place in his life because he is mindful and consistent in keeping me in the loop. It’s very important to me to know when I can expect him to be gone and when he’ll be home. When he’s home, we spend quality time together. We didn’t get on the same page overnight. It took and still takes constant communication, patience and a level of understanding. All in all, we both have grasped the concept of keeping each other first above all else.

Don't let your marriage become another statistic in the industry. Your wife or wife-to-be, needs to always feel like she's "your girl." Keep her first. She’s the best person you can ever make music with.

The IRS Treadmill

2010-02-04T21:52:00.003-06:00

Its tax time and not filing your income tax is the worst thing anyone can do. As an independent contractor the oddity of you owing is evident. However, not filing is making a colossal mistake. When, not if, the IRS catches up with you, you will almost end up owing more in penalties and interest than you did in actual taxes.

Although Marvin and I have never missed a year of filing we have owed the IRS several thousands of dollars. We were unable to pay the entire balance so payment arrangements were made. With that, it was hard to see the balance go down because of the compounded penalties and interest every month, thus the treadmill. We found ourselves behind in our payments several times, and a Notice with Intent to Levy was issued, several times. That means in 30 days, life becomes a nightmare. The IRS is the only entity with unlimited power. They can take everything you own in the blink of an eye without going through the court. However, what I discovered is that this is 100% AVOIDABLE as long as you keep the lines of communication open. If you ignore them, it will cost you dearly. We had our account reinstated countless times because we fell behind in our payments countless times. They never told me they wouldn’t reinstate the account, and neither did they ask for all payments due. We just kept chipping away as best we could and eventually paid them off. Communication is the key.

It is critical to have an accountant that is current with all of the deductions you are entitled to as an independent contractor. Another thing to keep in mind is the numerous 1099’s that will be coming in from all sources. It’s hard to remember where they are all coming from. Therefore, we learned it’s best to wait until the end of February to allow of them all to arrive. We filed prematurely one year because we didn’t know we were missing a 1099 with $10K worth of income. We were in the process of moving and didn’t realize that we hadn’t received it before we filed. Although companies are to have these to you by January 31, we didn’t receive it until after the first of March. Shortly thereafter, those monies were reported to the IRS and we were sent a letter and ended up owing $3500 on top of the several thousands of dollars we already owed. An expensive lesson learned.

Fear not and file! Many in this industry don't, and are setting themselves up to be on a treadmill for years to come.

Render unto Caesar’s what is Caesars. If Jesus paid taxes…

"I will never support you in this!"

2010-01-31T19:09:00.005-06:00

Believe it or not, those words actually came out of my mouth to Marvin one day. The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue, and I spoke death into our relationship that day.

How ignorant of me? Ignorance is expensive because that one statement cost me years of peace and unity in our marriage. I wasn't supportive of Marvin at all when he began travelling and playing. However, what I failed to realize back then was that the man and the music are one, and when I married him, I married his music, too.

I thought that if I displayed continued disapproval, he would eventually surrender which actually meant to stop being who he was and that wasn't going to happen. That's why it's so important to have a mentor in your life, which I didn't have. A mentor is a person who has expertise in the areas of need identified and is able to share their wisdom in a nurturing way and possibly detour you from some unnecessary hardships.

That statement crushed Marvin and the sad part is that I was too much of a coward to say it face to face. It was over the phone. I doubt if I know the total impact those seven words had on him. How devastating to a husband for his wife to tell him that. That was an immature statement coming from the mouth of someone who was hurting because hurting people hurt people.

Now, 15 years later, I can't imagine having a different life or the life I thought I wanted by him coming off the road. I'm so glad he did not cave into my emotions. I would have been living with a man who was frustrated and may have never reached his maximum potential because he was trying to please me all the while negating who he is. His dreams would have died, and his purpose aborted all because a seed that was planted by something I said. I truly don't know where that would have left the future of our marriage either.

Words are containers of power and we should choose them wisely. Thank God he didn't listen to me...at least that time :-).

His church, my church...shouldn't it be our church?

2010-01-23T20:10:00.006-06:00

At some point, many musician couples go through a season of attending two different churches. The circumstances surrounding it is usually because the husband is a full-time musician on staff at one church, while the wife and kids are a member at another. But where does that leave the family? In a precarious position, I might say.

We went through that season. For over a year and a half Marvin played at one church and the girls and I remained at the church where we had been members for many years. In my eyes, Marvin left for a drum job. I didn't think I had to uproot my girls for something I deemed as temporary. I wasn't interested in anything associated with where he was being paid to play. I was happy where I was. We both grew up there, and I wasn't in the market for any thing else.

During that time, I'd make periodic visits to the church where Marvin was on staff. Because he travelled quite a bit, he wasn't there every week. After a while, he kindly asked if I would come to church with him when he was in town. I agreed but it was very hard. However, deep down inside I knew my family needed to worship together.

So what's a girl supposed to do? I went on a 21 day fast. I asked God to give me direction concerning our situation. On the second day of the fast, I received a phone call from a lady at the church where I was a member. She said the Lord laid some things on her heart that she wanted to share with me.

During our conversation over lunch, she mentioned that she'd see Marvin on television playing drums for this other church. Her words to me where, "you need to be with your husband. You have a very good looking man and they need to know he has a wife. You really need to be with him. If you don't, be careful because somebody can take him from you." Note: Whenever someone gives you a word for the Lord, it should be confirmation, not new information and confirmation it was. I knew we needed to be together. Our marriage was already on life support and making the conscience decision to not be with him would prove deadly.

I spoke to my pastor at the time and told him that I was leaving. I assured him it had nothing to do with his pastorate, I just needed to be with my husband. I also left the bridge at my old church in tack in case we needed to cross back over. After I made the decision to leave my friends and family, the emotional tearing was something I cannot explain. Very painful to say the least, but I knew it was what I needed to do to keep my family together.

It took me about six months to even get with the services at the new church. My body was there, but my heart was across town. I really needed God to do open heart surgery on me if this was going to be my new church home, and He did. All of a sudden, my heart turned and I actually began to enjoy learning new methods about God that I hadn't quite heard before. Before long, it went from being "his church" to "our church."

That was over 10 years ago. As I look back now, I know it was a divine move of God in many aspects. I'm glad I aligned my will to the will of the Father. He has my best interest at heart at all times, as He has yours.

They are having too much fun!

2010-01-16T16:11:00.001-06:00

When Marvin began travelling over 14 years ago, it was hard for me to decipher that his trips were anything but work. My belief was that a bunch of guys were hanging out after the gig, eating, having fun and not thinking about the responsibilities of home they left behind. It would really aggravate me when Marvin would call to check on us and all I'd hear in the background are roars of laughter. I'd think call me back when we can chat without the interruption of the guy next to you vying for your attention as I was. He would always tell me, "Honey, these trips aren't fun trips, we're working and are at the venue 16 hours a day." If that wasn't enough, when he got home he slept for most of the day trying to catch up on rest he didn't get while out of town.

It wasn't until I travelled with an artist for a short season that I learned firsthand how long the days are and what goes on. After spending an exhausting day at the venue, merchandising, tearing down and packing up, I realized it wasn't all fun. I enjoyed what I did, as he does, and I used to think that he's travelling and eating on someone elses' dime while doing what he loves. Now I know it's hard work.

Last night he got in from the BMI Luncheon which happens every year the Friday before the Stellar Awards. He's the Music Director. So after 2 days of rehearing all day, playing at the event yesterday afternoon, I'm glad he's home, but guess what he's doing...sleeping and it's 2 pm in the afternoon! I've learned over the years to automatically tack on an extra day to his gigs. It has helped me understand a lot better instead of complaining about him being in the house and not being with us.

The Power of a Praying Wife

2010-01-04T07:19:00.000-06:00

Prayer changes things, people and circumstances.

Currently, our Women’s Life Development Class at church is in the midst of a series entitled, A Wife after God’s Own Heart. In conjunction with several subject matters that will be discussed, the wives are encouraged to pray daily for their husbands. Stormie Omartian wrote a fabulous book about 10 years ago on the subject and released a sequel, “The Power of Prayer That Changes Marriages,” last year.

A friend told me about the Power of a Praying Wife book when it was first release. My response to myself was, “I’m not the one who needs prayer, he does.” A year went by before I even purchased a copy. After praying about my husband, I decided I needed to start praying for my husband. Mrs. Omartian makes a statement in the beginning of the book. She challenges wives to not pray for him because he’s your husband, but pray for him because He’s God’s son. Conviction pierced my heart. As I repented and asked God to forgive me, God indeed showed me that day as I sat on the floor leaned against my bed; Marvin needed to be covered in prayer and how important it was that I do so.

There is a difference in praying for your husband, and praying about your husband. Praying for him, you have a specific request you are talking to God concerning him. Praying about your husband, you have a list of things you are telling God about him, and usually something is not going right.

I have been guilty of praying about than for, and also realized that God was more interested in changing my heart than he was my circumstance at the time. Know that when you intercede for your husband in areas of his life you will undoubtedly benefit in your own.

There is power in prayer and it works!

'Tis the Season'

2009-12-29T11:16:00.003-06:00

I know Christmas is over. However, it's not the holiday season I'm referring to, it's the seasons of life. Tis means "it is."

The other day, I attended a Christmas Party for the musician's and their wives at the home of our church's music pastor. My friend, Adrian Lindsey, wife of minstrel and producer extraordinaire, Aaron Lindsey, www.aaronlindsey.com said something in one of the many conversations we musicians' wives had. She began to share something someone spoke to her years ago. They said, "Don't despise the season that you're in." She was relating to the challenges of finding adequate childcare so she can travel with her hubby. I immediately said to Dree, "I'm going to blog on that."

There were MANY seasons in my tenure as a musician's wife, if I must be honest with you, that I downright hated.

For instance, tours...which equated to extended periods of time away from home. I didn't enjoy being a married-single mom. The sporadic income; I'm a very methodical person so to be paid "per performance" was difficult for me to count on. Rehearsal after rehearsal after rehearsal. Attending different churches, and did I mention tours...I know I did because that was the most difficult portion of this lifestyle for me. Literally for weeks on in you are parenting alone, and with small children that season is so easy to despise. Not to mention not having Marvin around to do life with day in and day out. I would really miss him!

Even in all of the challenges this industry has, I can say that I am a better woman because of those seasons of my life. I've learned firsthand how faithful God is. He is my provider. He sent me the right people at the right time to help me with my girls when they were younger. I decided to change churches so we could attend as a family which was a divine move of God for us. While Marvin was gone for extended periods of time, my relationship with Jesus grew deeper. I was able to take my "wife hat" off and concentrate on the things of God. What better person to bond with and spend more time in their presence than Jesus. He is the only One that can help you navigate through the rough seasons and not lose yourself or your mind.

During those times, my favorite scriptures were, Galatians 6:9, "Be not weary in well doing, for in due season, you shall reap if you faint not", and Psalms 27:13, "I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

After many years, I am reaping in my "due season". Oh, I wanted to faint many times. However, the Lord reminded me if I wanted to reap in due season, I had to lean on Him to get me through my current season.

Now, my children are teenagers and love the Lord with all their hearts. Our income is consistent which takes the "have to" out of traveling and doing tours. We are both on staff at a church that supports us and our ministries.

Are there more 'Tis the Season's' for me? You bet! However, I know that first, it's just a season and it too shall pass. Secondly, I'm not in it alone because Jesus promises to never leave me nor forsake me and thirdly, as long as the earth remains their shall be seedtime and harvest. For the seasons I sow in tears, I shall reap in joy.

Embrace where you are on the way to where you're going.

Relationship 101

2009-12-26T11:10:00.001-06:00

"Life moves at the speed of relationship. You are one key person away from an entire world opening to you." -- Pastor Scott Jones.

I have been hearing that quote resonate in my mind for a few days. I've heard Pastor Scott say it before, but this time the revelation unfolded in how it relates to Marvin and I.

My interpretation of the word relationship would read as such: relation (a significant association) ship (a means of getting from one place to another).

People can trace their successes and failures to the relationships in their lives.

Every door we've walked through has been because someone opened it. Every gig has come from a relationship. Every endorsement he has is because of a relationship. Every invitation to go on tour came from someone who called. When the right window of opportunity opened, we were able to climb through because of the relationship we had with the people who opened it. We moved to Houston five years ago because of an invitation that derived from a relationship. Talking about a new world here; we are rich in relationships with some of the most genuine and loving people I've ever met.

An entire world has opened to Marvin and I because of his relationships with individuals in some facade of the music industry. Even after the season of working together, playing or traveling with, the bridges are still in place and either party may cross over at anytime. In other words, we still have the friendship. We understand the value of how vital relationships are and the fact that they must be nurtured and handled like fine china.

So what is this all about? Someone is holding the key to a new world for you and your family. It takes one person, that’s it and things can happen for you SUDDENLY. Continue to cultivate your relationships. Invest time in them. We love our friends outside of the aspect of music. We love their kids. We inquire about their parents and others that are close to them. We love them for who they are.

One of my favorite quotes is from Charlie "Tremendous" Jones. "Your life will be the same in five years from now except for the people you meet and the books you read."

Relationships...they are the key!

BTW, Pastor Scott is one of my AWESOME senior pastors www.gcofh.com and www.pastorscottjones.com

Take the limits off!

2009-12-18T08:00:00.000-06:00

Currently, Marvin is traveling with an international artist named Lilly Goodman (www.lillygoodman.com) from the Dominican Republic. Shortly after the Lord healed him, he asked God to open a door to play and travel again...which he loves to do. I don't believe it was even a week before the call came in from a friend of his that knew Lilly was in need of a drummer.

He has played for many artists over the years, but this is the first international. With that, all of his travels are to other countries. This year alone he's been to Spain, Panama, Peru, and is heading out to Bolivia today.

Lilly was in Houston last month, and the girls and I had the opportunity to attend the concert. It was the first time I've ever sat through anything bilingual. With the exception of a few "Amens and Hallelujahs", I didn't know what was being said or sang. However, the exciting part was to see my sisters and brothers in the Lord worship God in their language, praise dance they way they do, and still feel the anointing from the same God. AMAZING!!!

After over 20 years in the industry, we're still experiencing new things. I believe there are still doors that may not have been opened for your husband yet. Artists that you don't even know exist. Opportunities to minister in music have yet to be revealed.

Whether your husband is playing the drums for someone who speaks English or any other language, at the end of the day, he's a minstrel and God's opportunities are limitless. SO TAKE THE LIMITS OFF. He has things in place for your family that you know not of. Think outside the box and watch God open doors.

The road less traveled

2009-12-15T10:57:00.001-06:00

Years ago, Marvin and I went down a road that was less traveled. That road was long and hard, although it wasn't the best route to take, it sure was worth the trip.

When we were married, he had a "9 to 5", so to speak, but eventually left to pursue full-time music ministry.

It was tough to say the least. However, on that journey, he learned some skills that are profitable now, but wasn't so much back then. He would sit in on studio recordings and learn how to produce background vocals, lead vocals and the such. He learned how to engineer. He learned how to operate Pro Tools and Digital Performer. He also learned to road manage and do booking. I didn't understand how the extra hours he'd put in to become knowledgeable would pay off, but they have in ways I couldn't have ever imagined.

You may not be able to see the insight your husband is gaining with some of the "extra" things he's involved in. However, the ability to diversify oneself in the music industry is golden. If one well isn't flowing, you can always draw from the other one.

Simple Christmas

2009-12-12T17:15:00.002-06:00

What does that mean? Simple Christmas is purchasing only what you can afford in cash and not feeling bad any of the rest.

Music industry money is sporadic for many. It ebbs and flows. Marvin has a couple of dates this month, and what he makes is what we're spending, period, even though he has a full-time sound engineer position.

We haven't gone into debt for Christmas in over 15 years. Because on the other side of Christmas is a new year with the same monthly bills and obligations. It will be very unwise for us to overextend ourselves unnecessarily. The Bible says, only a fool spends all he has.

It never ceases to amaze me how God always makes a way for us during this time of year. He'll get a call to record on this album, or that album (which he can do from home), play for a Live Recording, etc. Even in that, we still simply spend what we've allotted. I believe every year that God will provide the work which translates into the money we spend on the girls and others during the holidays.

I stopped feeling bad years ago about what I could and could not do because of the sporadic income of the music industry. We're able to do so much more than we used to, however, I'm not a big spender and really don't like shopping.

Perhaps some of the money your husband is making this month is just enough for the bills and you may not have enough to do what you desire. Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season, first and foremost and anything else should be done, simply.

The eve before he leaves

2009-12-08T20:51:00.000-06:00

Marvin is heading out tomorrow to play for a Christmas concert at the church we attended while living in Detroit. I've learned over the years...the hard way, if I need to discuss an important matter it's best to save it until he returns. It's not wise to bring up a something that I know won't be resolved on the fly.

In order for him to effectively minister while he's away, he needs to be focused and leaving an unresolved issue at home is a distraction. Timing is a crucial when approaching subjects that are touchy.

When he returns, ask the Lord to show you when it is a good time to discuss what's on your heart, as well as, what to say. In the right atmosphere, and in the right tone, victory is assured every time.

Welcome!

2009-12-07T19:47:00.001-06:00

The wives of musicians and those with husbands in the music industry, have a very special place in my heart.

About a month ago, I was impressed to reach out and connect with you through a blog. While our stories are different, in many ways they are the same. Marvin and I have been married for over 20 years and I've learned so much about how to be his wife during this time. I want to use this platform to share some things I've learned the hard way, through trial and error or by the Lord sending someone to speak into my life.

Currently, I'm writing a book about my life as a musician's wife and it will be available next year.

Meanwhile, I pray you'll be blessed by this blog and please feel free to leave a comment.