"I will never support you in this!"

Believe it or not, those words actually came out of my mouth to Marvin one day. The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue, and I spoke death into our relationship that day.

How ignorant of me? Ignorance is expensive because that one statement cost me years of peace and unity in our marriage. I wasn't supportive of Marvin at all when he began travelling and playing. However, what I failed to realize back then was that the man and the music are one, and when I married him, I married his music, too.

I thought that if I displayed continued disapproval, he would eventually surrender which actually meant to stop being who he was and that wasn't going to happen. That's why it's so important to have a mentor in your life, which I didn't have. A mentor is a person who has expertise in the areas of need identified and is able to share their wisdom in a nurturing way and possibly detour you from some unnecessary hardships.

That statement crushed Marvin and the sad part is that I was too much of a coward to say it face to face. It was over the phone. I doubt if I know the total impact those seven words had on him. How devastating to a husband for his wife to tell him that. That was an immature statement coming from the mouth of someone who was hurting because hurting people hurt people.

Now, 15 years later, I can't imagine having a different life or the life I thought I wanted by him coming off the road. I'm so glad he did not cave into my emotions. I would have been living with a man who was frustrated and may have never reached his maximum potential because he was trying to please me all the while negating who he is. His dreams would have died, and his purpose aborted all because a seed that was planted by something I said. I truly don't know where that would have left the future of our marriage either.

Words are containers of power and we should choose them wisely. Thank God he didn't listen to me...at least that time :-).