Right now, I absolutely love what I’m doing (vocationally and in ministry). Actually, I don’t look at my place of employment as a job, but rather an opportunity to serve. I’m on staff at my church. Not only that, I serve on the Women’s Ministry board and am the Director of our Women’s Life Development Class. Albeit, I absolutely love every aspect of what I’m doing. However, I am a wife, first, and my ministry is to my family, first. Period!
God is a God of order and anything outside of His design will not function properly, especially in marriage. God first, family second, ministry third. It’s so easy to get engulfed in the things we love and emotionally starve those around us. We must serve our families first, not hand them our leftovers. No gig, live recording, tour, stage play, etc, is worth losing your family. Be and do all you can with Kingdom excellence, but not at the expense of your marriage.
Being a musician’s wife is not easy. Marriage within itself is work, but well worth it I might add. Everybody’s situation has its own set of challenges. Many women wallow in the sea of regret and wish they never married a musician. Some have expressed they feel like your music is a mistress because you’re spending more time with it than her. I’ve heard it said and have witnessed many divorces. That’s because there is an imbalance. She wants to be cherished and to know that she is the queen of your heart. Not second field to your instrument or to the band.
Many of you reading this are in different facades of ministry right now. Some are travelling, some are just playing locally.
If you’re playing and rehearsing locally take her out for dessert afterwards one night. Forego the jam session after rehearsal (yes, I know all about those) and go get your girl.
If you’re travelling, surprise her by flying her out. If you can’t currently budget that, send her a postcard from the road. Just to know you’re thinking about her means a lot.
Marvin includes me in every aspect of his music, dates, endeavors, etc. If I don’t know about something he has coming up, it’s simply because he has forgotten to tell me. I don’t feel like second place in his life because he is mindful and consistent in keeping me in the loop. It’s very important to me to know when I can expect him to be gone and when he’ll be home. When he’s home, we spend quality time together. We didn’t get on the same page overnight. It took and still takes constant communication, patience and a level of understanding. All in all, we both have grasped the concept of keeping each other first above all else.
Don't let your marriage become another statistic in the industry. Your wife or wife-to-be, needs to always feel like she's "your girl." Keep her first. She’s the best person you can ever make music with.
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