Don't burn your bridges

For the past couple of years, Marvin has been invited back to a church where we were once members to play for their annual worship conference. He served there as the drummer for many years before we relocated to Texas.

A few months before we moved, an incident occurred with me that left a bitter taste in my mouth. This church is a place where the Holy Spirit hovers, the bishop and his wife have a heart for worship, the Spirit of the Lord has free course in the services, and the congregation is thriving. However, my respect for leadership had been tainted.

I'm an analyzer, a thinker, and a planner. Not one to do many things by the seat of my pants. I can literally think myself out of something because it needs to be a certain way. In other words, I proceed with great caution.

A few years prior, God revealed to me my call to women’s ministry. It took me several years to act on what I knew God was telling me; all the while, uncertain of the specifics. Finally, in an effort to step out and obey God , I invited several ladies to a seminar. I rented meeting space at an area hotel and asked my friends and friends of friends to come and be a part. I purposely didn't invite anyone from the church because I didn’t want to bring division to the women’s ministry that we currently had. I was trying to do what I believe God called me to do which was minister to women and the unchurched in the community.

In effort to honor leadership, I mailed the bishop a letter. In it, I shared what was on my heart, where I believe God was leading me, and asked if he and his wife would pray for me and my endeavors. I also shared with him that this is something in the community and no flyers were distributed in our church. In fact I didn’t invite anyone from the congregation on purpose. Again, aiming to be respectful and mindful.

I approached him one Sunday after service and asked him had he received my letter. He said he did and went on the say, it was a “bad letter.” I said “bad as in good…that I know how to write letters?” He said, “no, bad as in bad.” He then instructed me to read a particular passage of scripture in Acts, and call him in the morning. After calling and speaking with him the next day, he told me to cancel everything. His reason, he hadn't released me to do that. He also said I was acting in a pastoral role when I invited speakers, and wasn’t qualified to do that either. He went on to say that anything outside of the local church is an Ishmael. Lastly, if I didn't do as he said, the same thing would happen to me that happened to King Uzziah; he told me to go read the story. By the end of the conversation, I was devastated!

He offered to sit down with me and share how he'd like for me to proceed, but until then, everything had to be cancelled. Every step I made to keep from something like this happening seemed to backfire. With a broken heart and a wounded spirit, I called the speakers and cancelled the events.

I never scheduled another seminar because I wanted to be obedient by meeting with him first. I made several attempts to connect with him so that I could move forward with what I believe God was leading me to do. An untold amount of phone calls went unreturned. Days turned into weeks, weeks, into months, and months into the following year. The meeting never happened. I knew God called me, and perhaps I was presumptuous in my timing, however, my leader never took the time to counsel and direct me.

Attending church there became harder each time I went. I lost respect for him and really needed God to help me. Not long after that incident, God moved us to Texas, and now I have more opportunities for women's ministry than I can handle at times.

Had I been a finger-snapping, loud-mouth wife that call myself telling him off and what I thought about how he handled the situation, it's possible that Marvin wouldn't be on that plane right now, and the invitation could have been extended to another drummer. But, I chose to forgive and move on. God knew my heart and my call. I did what I needed to do to preserve the relationship and left the rest up to God.

I’ve experienced in years past, that people are reluctant to work with men that have messy and mouthy wives. Actually, I have a friend that was told by the leader of the group that wives aren’t invited on the road with them. He said the wives kept up so much ruckus in times past, he felt it were best if they just stayed home. I don’t condone that at all. Wives need to be with their husbands as much as they are able. Needless to say, that leader is divorced today.

Sometimes getting the last word in edge-wise is not worth losing the relationship. Pick your battles wisely, and don't burn your bridges. You may need to walk across them again one day.